


Commander Hange's Emergency Wig Services

by gwenyn_bright



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: 104th Training Corps Shenanigans, Canon Compliant, Crack, Drunken Shenanigans, F/M, Humor, M/M, Possibly OOC Mikasa, Spin the Bottle, drunk makeouts, in-universe, some blood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-12
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:00:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28019664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gwenyn_bright/pseuds/gwenyn_bright
Summary: During a night of drinking at the restaurant he works in, Nicolo teaches Sasha and her friends how to play spin-the-bottle.
Relationships: Armin Arlert/Eren Yeager, Mikasa Ackerman/Jean Kirstein, Sasha Blouse/Nicolo
Comments: 14
Kudos: 107





	Commander Hange's Emergency Wig Services

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this for a Smutember 2020 prompt, then I realized I only cared about the Warrior and almost dropped it but forced myself to finish it. May be OOC because I don't like Jean or Mikasa that much lmao.
> 
> Standard disclaimer: Don't own it, did it for fun, not beta-read, English is not my first language, etc.

Nicolo’s heart skipped a beat when the so-called ‘heroes of Shiganshina’ walked into the restaurant he worked in and his eyes met Sasha’s. It was natural for them to hang out there, since the restaurant was located on the first floor of a military building and was often used as a meeting point. There were offices and meeting rooms on the second and third floors, so while the kitchen closed at 9pm, they would usually remain there for a few more hours, drinking and talking.

Sasha had often invited Nicolo to join them, and as of lately their relationship had gotten a lot more flirty. To his absolute delight, this time it was no different. After Grior had left with a very disapproving look, he decided to offer them two bottles of cheap wine. Which then became four, then five, then seven.

Commander Hange, Captain Levi, and Onyankopon shared a table, in which they talked about important issues. Captain Levi, as usual, drank plain black tea while the other two drank wine with measured restraint.

The same could not be said of the other table, which was mostly loud and rowdy. Sasha and Connie started recounting embarrassing anecdotes from their years of training and their subsequent service in the military.

At some point, the story about how Jean and Armin had to impersonate Eren and Queen Historia comes up, much to the embarrassment of Jean and Armin and the hilarity of everyone else. Nicolo and Onkyankopon can’t believe it, and Hange screeches that they still have the wigs and takes them out of their messenger bag.

Despite their initial protests, both young men eventually give in and don the wigs. They have grown quite a bit since the last time they had to use them, and they look much less convincing. Sasha suggests they do impressions, which they reluctantly do after pressure from their friends.

“My name is Historia and my hobby was donating bread to Sasha,” Armin says and everyone bursts out laughing except for Sasha, who is offended at the past tense of his sentence.

“Boo! Boo, I say!” she howls disapprovingly and takes a swig of the wine bottle she is hugging closely. “Armin, you get 3 out of 10 for the effort. NEXT!”

Armin sighs in relief as the attention is now focused on Jean wearing the dark brown wig he once used to pose as Eren. 

“Say the thing, Jean!” Connie eggs him on.

Jean rolls his eyes and gives a half-assed “'I’ll kill them all! I'll wipe every one of them off the face of this earth!”

“Say it like you mean it, you coward!”

On another table, Hange, Onyankopon, and Levi look over the group of young adults with varying degrees of amusement. The commander explained to Onyankopon how they had to dress up Armin and Jean multiple times to protect Eren and Historia.

“I can’t believe you still carry the wigs with you at all times,” Levi snorts.

“Well, Levi, I can’t call it ‘My Emergency Historia Wig’ if I don’t have it when an emergency occurs, can I?” they say, raising a wine glass and eyeing Levi’s teacup with a little derision.

“I sound nothing like that!” Eren protests Jean's impression.

“Well, he did kinda get the whiny, nasal tone,” Nicolo interjects without thinking.

Eren shoots him a glare, and Nicolo blushes, subdued. The wine had made him forget for a moment he is a newcomer to the group —and a Marleyan at that. It was only thanks to Sasha, Jean, and Connie, since Mikasa, Armin, and Eren had little to no interest in making him feel particularly welcome.

“Yes, very true. Jean, you get an 8 out of 10!” Sasha announces.

As Jean moves his hand to remove the wig, Sasha promptly slaps his hand to prevent him.

“YOU CAN’T!” she orders him.

“Why the hell not?” 

She leans to whisper into his ear. “Dude, Mikasa has been eyeing you for a while now. Don’t mess this up.”

Jean’s eyes go wide as they fall on Mikasa, who is looking at him and blushing prettily. It’s mostly because of the wine, but it still makes his heart skip a bit.

“Fine,” he mutters.

After that, a long, uncomfortable silence falls on their table. They all drink from their glasses (or bottles) to fill it.

"Let's play spin the bottle!" Nicolo suggests suddenly, and it comes out rather loudly in a way that suggests he is more than a little buzzed.

They all look at him curiously. Connie narrows his eyes and asks "’Spin the bottle’? Whazzat?"

"Ah… umm," Nicolo says as he racks his drunken brain for a way to explain it. "It’s a drinking game. Everyone sits in a circle and then you take a bottle. Empty! An empty bottle."

He grabs one of the many empty wine bottles and presents it to the group, who admire it as if it was yet another invention introduced to Paradis island thanks to Zeke’s influence.

"And, so, you spin it,” he says, placing it on the center of the table and demonstrating the complicated procedure.

“And then, when it stops, the base will be pointing to one person, and the neck will be pointing to another person," he explains, pointing each end of the bottle with his finger. "And THEN those two people kiss."

At this point, he has both lost and captured the full attention of his companions. There are a few moments of absolute silence as the alcohol level in their blood slows down their capacity to process information. Then it dawns on them: kissing.

"Yes!!!" screams Jean.

"Let's do this!" seconds Sasha.

"What?! No way, that sounds gross," Eren protests.

"No, Eren. I think we should give it a try," Mikasa says, tugging at his sleeve shyly.

Eren turns around to look at Mikasa with a bewildered expression, but before he can say anything, Jean interjects.

"Wow, Eren. Are you a chicken? What are a few kisses between friends?"

It's a gamble because it has been a while since he has taunted Eren into action. Old habits die hard, though, and Eren is immediately incensed.

"Chicken?!"

"We drink from the same waterskins, what is the difference? What difference does it make?" Jean continues, so desperate that he starts slurring his words.

"No difference. It's just spit, right?" Nicolo agrees to further his own agenda.

Eren  _ ha _ d to be there, because if Eren decides he doesn’t want to play, Mikasa and Armin would go with him. If the possibility of kissing Mikasa is out of the table, Jean would probably opt out of it as well, and then Connie and Sasha would declare that it's boring with so few participants and… And then  _ his _ chance of kissing Sasha would go out of the window. And he really, really wanted to kiss Sasha, but he needed an excuse because in his mind a Marleyan and an Eldian kissing was out of the question, even when alcohol was involved.

"I'm outta here," Levi says, setting down his teacup. He is stone-cold sober as usual, and while he normally doesn't mind staying during their drinking sessions (which were, in all fairness, quite rare), he has no desire to see sloppy make-outs and the aftermath thereafter.

"What? Why?" Connie asks, oblivious to the fact that a man in his late 30s may not be interested in such activities with people he met as 15-year-olds.

"I'd rather kiss a Titan than any of you brats," Levi scoffs.

"We got two Titans from which to choose right here, though," Hange says pointing at Eren and Armin.

Levi glares and slaps the back of their head, and they burst out laughing.

"Kidding! I'm kidding… or am I?"

Before Levi can grab them by the collar, they jump back. "Nah, you're right," Hange says, stretching. "I'm going as well. You kids have fun."

"I'll go with you," Onyakopon says, standing up to join Hange and Levi.

"Okay, we should probably start! Let’s move to the floor, it’s more comfortable to play that way" Nicolo says loudly.

They all comply and soon they form a tight circle. Nicolo takes the empty bottle, places it in the center, and is about to spin it when Jean speaks up.

“Hey, wait a second,” he growls. “Wouldn’t spinning the bottle in the same place mean that the same pair of people will be kissing?”

Sasha and Connie look at him in confusion. “Like, the person who is exactly the opposite of you in the circle?” He continues, evidently concerned that the person sitting in front of him is Eren.

“It could if the bottle was fixed to the spot, but it will probably roll to the sides at some point. It will most likely pair different people almost every time,” Armin explains.

“Exactly,” Nicolo says and finally gives a turn of his wrist, effectively spinning the bottle. It eventually slows down and points to Jean and himself.

Sasha squeals with excitement and Mikasa tries to hide a flustered smile, while the rest of the boys look with interest.

“Ha-ha. Well, it was bound to happen,” Nicolo says, trying to sound as nonchalant as possible. He moves forward to Jean, who backs up instinctively.

“Whoa, for real?!”

“What’s the matter, Jean?” Eren asks slyly. “Chicken?”

“N-no, idiot. It’s just… Is this okay with you, Nicolo?”

“It’s just a kiss, you big baby!” Sasha boos him. “Kiss him, Nicolo!”

Nicolo lunges forward, grabs Jean by the neck, and kisses him harshly for a couple of seconds. Everyone cheers and screams in delight at the scene. Nicolo lets him go and returns to his place as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened, while Jean sits there, now seriously considering how many people he is willing to kiss before getting to Mikasa.

“Ok, Jean. Now you spin it,” Nicolo says, flitting his hand in the direction of the bottle.

Jean reaches for it and spins it, blushing. It lands on Connie and Mikasa.

“Oh,” Mikasa says softly. “Alright.”

Sasha giggles excitedly and whispers “I love this game”.

Mikasa and Connie slide forward to meet, and just before leaning in, Mikasa turns to Eren, who is sitting down with his legs crossed and looking on with mild interest.

“What? Go on,” he says encouragingly, and Mikasa lets out a small breath of disappointment and returns to Connie.

They share a brief peck on the lips and move back to their places. Connie takes the bottle and spins it hard, and it moves sideways before landing on Sasha and Eren.

Sasha’s earlier delight turns into a slight panic as she immediately feels Mikasa’s looming aura on her.

“Umm… is a kiss on the cheek valid?” she asks nervously.

“What?! No way, that doesn’t even count. Proper mouth kisses only!” Jean replies harshly, not letting anyone get off with just a kiss on the cheek after what he had just endured.

“Are you sure?” she asks nervously, then turns to appeal to Eren. “Eren, you’ve never been keen on this sort of stuff…” she continues to protest weakly.

“Well, I don’t, but if I’m gonna play a game I’m gonna play it right, Sasha,” Eren says somewhat irritated.

Sasha frowns and mouths a silent ‘sorry’ in Mikasa’s direction, then plants the quickest, driest kiss on Eren’s lips and instead of returning to her place, she moves to sit next to Eren, which seems the safest way to avoid repeating him.

Eren spins the bottle, and this time it lands pointing to Armin and Mikasa. Mikasa and Armin smile at each other, Mikasa with some relief and Armin with a very notorious blush. In the drunken stupor and the attenuated light, he really looks fiercely like Historia.

“Oh, my,” Sasha says, recovering quickly from her previous anguish, and props her chin with her palm to look intently at the new pair.

Jean’s mouth is a tight line of disapproval, but he can admit it’s better than Eren and Mikasa kissing.

Mikasa moves to Armin, who starts shaking at the proximity. “Um… I…” he says, turning even redder than before.

In a tender gesture, Mikasa holds his face with her hands and gives him a reassuring “It’s okay, Armin.” His gaze softens as it locks with hers and then closes his eyes, and Mikasa dips in and kisses him gently. He sighs and leans into her, and everyone is dumbstruck at this amorous display of affection. Even Jean, who can’t help thinking how nice it would be nice to be kissed like that by Mikasa.

It’s Sasha who eventually breaks the silence with a “Hey! Leave some Armin for the rest of us, Mikasa!”

Mikasa tilts her head back, breaking the kiss, smiling, and giving a soft stroke to Armin’s cheek before moving to her seat. Armin changes his sitting position, crossing his legs and draping his coat over his lap while looking at the ground with great interest.

Since Armin seems to be preoccupied with something else, Mikasa spins the bottle and it points at Connie and Eren.

“Oh, hey buddy,” Connie says and acts lightning-fast. He plants a foot on the ground and then uses it to stretch all the way to Eren, give him a quick smooch, and return to his place in the span of two seconds.

“What the fuck was that, Connie?” Eren asks, obviously pissed-off.

“What?” Connie asks confusedly.

“Why does no one want to kiss me properly?!”

Everyone takes another swig of their drinks, effectively avoiding having to answer Eren’s question. Eren frowns and sulks, resentful.

Connie takes the bottle once again and spins it. It lands on Sasha and Nicolo, and Nicolo feels his heart hammering and his belly fill with butterflies as she gives him the biggest, sunniest smile and bites her lip.

“Mister Nicolo,” she says and giggles, slithering just in front of him.

“Miss Sasha,” he answers, unable to erase the stupid grin that is now plastered on his face.

They both straighten the backs and move in to press their lips together. Nicolo cannot remember a time when he had ever felt this amount of joy. Overwhelmed by his feelings, he deepens the kiss. A collective gasp from the soldiers can be heard, though very far away. Sasha wraps her arms around his neck and throws herself at him, both of them tumbling to the ground.

“Oi!” Jean screams. “There are other people present, you animals!”

Sasha breaks the kiss and flings herself up, though still straddling Nicolo. She arches her back and reaches for the bottle and spins it distractedly, then promptly moves back down to resume her endeavours.

The bottle points to Armin and Eren. Eren, much in the same way Connie had done to him earlier, lunges to where the blond boy is sitting. In an attempt to imitate Sasha’s passion, he throws himself at Armin, but the result is a crash of mouths with several broken teeth, sliced lips, and a gush of blood for both of them.

“Oh, huck. Showwy, Ahmin,” Eren manages to say while standing up. Armin, shocked by Eren’s actions and the result, almost looks like he wants to cry.

“Lesh go cwean up,” Eren says. Mikasa stands up, but Eren rebukes her, shaking his head. “Shtay hewe.”

Mikasa sighs and sits again, gathering her skirt under her bent legs. She knows both of them can heal themselves fast, so she is not too worried about them. Still…

“Whew, that was amazing,” Sasha says, looking thoroughly pleased with herself. Nicolo is mostly disoriented, but with a satisfied look on his face. “Hey, where are Eren and Armin?!”

“They had an accident while kissing,” Mikasa explains and points to the trail of blood on the floor.

“God,” Nicolo says, sobering up at the sight. “That… well, that is just not cool.”

“Umm… okay, I guess I’ll spin the bo–Connie?!”

Sasha’s eye is caught by the sight of her best friend curled up in fetal position and sleeping soundly.

“When did all this happen, man?! The game was just getting good!” Sasha laments.

“What? We can’t end it here!” Jean protests. “I still–”

Sasha looks at him disdainfully. “Jean, with these few people it’s not any fun, man. I mean, we can wait for Eren and Armin to come back.”

Jean glances expectantly at the door, but there is no telling how long it will take the pair to return. When Jean turns back again, Sasha and Nicolo are on the floor for the second time, pawing at each other with the enthusiasm of two people who had been desiring each other for a long, long time.

Mikasa and he are the only ones left. She glances at him and he blushes. Should he attempt to continue the “game” with only the two of them, or would that be ridiculous and transparent?

“Well, I guess that’s over,” Mikasa says.

Jean feels a heavy weight on his heart, and answers with a simple “Yeah…”

_ ‘Isn’t alcohol supposed to make you braver? Loosen your inhibitions? God, say something, you moron’ _ , he berates himself.  _ ‘The girl you have loved for years is right here, and you have the perfect excuse to suggest a kiss and you are just sitting here and…’ _

His train of thought is interrupted as Mikasa scoots over to him. The warmth of her body makes him aware of just how close she is, and he starts relaxing. She was the one to reduce the space between them, which is reassuring. And, in any case, they are still friends. That was what was important.

“That was something, huh,” he says. “If someone had told me half an hour before that this is how it would end up, I would not have believed it.”

“Yeah, me too,” Mikasa agrees with her usual monotone voice.

“It’s a good thing Captain Levi and Commander Hange did not stay to see the culmination of the game, that would have just been embarrassing,” Jean continues.

Mikasa chuckles lightly, imagining the face of both of them had they been present. This encourages Jean, who continues chatting with just the tiniest bit of nervousness. Despite being together with his comrades almost all day, every day, it’s rare for him and Mikasa to be alone —let alone hold a conversation about something that isn’t work or Eren.

She is not much of a talker, but the exchange carries on smoothly and Jean feels content. Even if he didn’t get to kiss her tonight, it would be alright…

Mikasa's face is pleasantly flushed, and she giggles at his jokes, which is something that has never happened before.

After a while, he says “I wonder what is taking them so long?”, and he immediately regrets it because Mikasa’s expression changes to a sad one. 

Jean jumps to his feet and declares “I-I’ll go look for them”

“No, Jean, they–”

“It’s no problem at all, I’ll be right back,” he says and hurries out of the restaurant’s main dining room and into the corridor leading to the bathrooms. He follows the thin trail of blood, making a mental note to himself to make Eren help Nicolo clean up before they leave. He turns a corner and finds Armin pinned against the wall by Eren, his legs wrapped around his waist, receiving the dark-haired lad’s desperate kisses. Armin is still wearing the emergency Historia wig.

Jean immediately turns back and holds his hand to his chest. He was not expecting to find them like this, and his face is red and his ears are hot and his heart beats fast.  _ ‘Does Mikasa…?’  _

Jean returns to the dining room slowly, in awe at what he had just witnessed.

"Are they kissing?" Mikasa asks, and Jean jumps.

"You knew?!"

"I didn't know for certain. I just figured it might, since it has happened before, you know?"

"Oh… so they…?"

Mikasa nods. There is a hint of resigned sadness in her eyes, but it seems she has already accepted the fact for some time. She takes a big gulp from her drink and uses the back of her hand to wipe her mouth.

"Mmm, Sasha," Nicolo moans from beside them, and Jean shoots them a look.

"Maria, Rose, and Sheena, get a fucking room!"

Sasha and Nicolo roll a few meters away and call it good enough, and continue their heavy petting.

Jean rolls his eyes at their lame-ass attempt but lets them be and sits down. When he turns to look at Mikasa, her face is only a couple of centimeters away. He is caught off-guard and blushes. "Oh, hey."

"Hey," Mikasa responds. "You know, I was thinking about how I have already kissed everyone in this room except for you."

Jean feels his heart race once again. He knows she has kissed Armin and Connie, from the game at least. Eren, it wouldn’t really surprise him, given how close they have been for so many years. And Sasha… Well, Sasha had seduced so many people it would also not be unbelievable.

"Even Nicolo?" Jean asks.

Mikasa blinks. "Everyone in the room except Nicolo and you," she corrects.

Then she places a finger on his chest. "Do you…?"

He gulps loudly. It's happening. God, it's finally happening and Jean does not care about anything else, he only has eyes for her lips. "Are you sure?"

She nods, then reaches up and pulls off the Eren wig from his head.

"That's better," she says.

Jean leans in and kisses her, and it's wonderful. It's short and sweet and he pulls back, his heart drumming in his chest. She blinks rapidly, as if she had just woken up from a dream and is seeing Jean for the first time.

"Jean," she murmurs and moves forward without hesitation, pressing her lips against his again.

His mind is numb. He has no idea what is happening, how it's happening, or why it's happening.

It takes a few seconds for the hamster inside his brain to start running on its wheel. When it does, his eyes go wide and his mind goes into overdrive.

_ ‘WOOOAAAHHH!!!’ _

Mikasa Ackerman is kissing him. Not a peck, not a quick smooch, a real kiss. He moans into it and his eyes flutter shut. Her lips are soft and warm, and he shivers when the tip of her tongue touches his own by accident.

Jean wills himself to focus and returns the kiss with enthusiasm, cupping her cheeks with his hands and leaning into her. She smells so nice, and everything about her is somehow soft and smooth despite knowing she is all hardness and sharp edges. 

“Mikasa…” he says and pulls back, fearing for a moment this is all a dream.

She blinks at him, dazed. “What is the matter?”

_ ‘This can’t be a dream,’  _ Jean tells himself. It can’t be a dream, because in dreams everyone is quite blurry when trying to focus on someone or something. There is no way that Mikasa’s beautiful dark eyes gazing at him could be so vivid in a dream. But still...

He can’t hold himself back and threads his fingers on her dark, silky hair. It’s much, much shorter than the first night they met, but it’s just as beautiful, and he feels a knot forming in his throat because he has never touched her hair before, so he cannot be dreaming. It is real.

“Mikasa, I–” he begins, but is cut short. She grabs him by the collar and pulls him to her, and she quickly moves her hands to his ass. “Oh!”

He is so confused by her unexpected groping that he blanks out for a few seconds, and the next thing he knows she is carrying him to a table, then lays him down and crawls on top of him, straddling him.

Mikasa bites her lip as she feels how hard he is and grinds down. Jean moans very loudly, which gains him a reproving “Shhh!” from Sasha on the other side of the room. He would normally be pissed at her obvious hypocrisy, but his mind is focused solely on the young woman on top of him.

She leans forward and kisses him again, then takes his hands and places them on her ass. A strangled groan escapes his lips and he is absolutely lost, completely overwhelmed by Mikasa.

The next morning, the group is awoken by the screams of an absolutely furious Grior.

“You horny slut!” he bellows at Nicolo, grabbing him by the collar and slapping him. “What is this?! Why is there blood in the hallway?! Why are there two naked Eldians in the kitchen?! Why are there seven bottles of wine missing?!”

“Oh… morning, Grior,” Nicolo says sheepishly.

Jean wakes up and is momentarily disoriented until he feels the calm, warm breathing of a sleeping Mikasa against his neck. The memories of the previous night crash down to him, then turns around to scan his surroundings.

Mikasa and he are tangled together in a tight embrace, their shirts unbuttoned. They are under a table, their lower halves sticking out of the tablecloth. It’s a ridiculous situation, and he feels the responsibility to share Grior’s rage with Nicolo, but goodness, what wouldn’t he give to stay like this forever.

He pushes her fringe from her forehead and places a soft kiss there, before nudging her awake. She blinks, and then her gaze focuses on Jean (he can almost see how the memories also come to her slowly). She gives him a small, shy smile and he feels his stomach twist with infatuation.

“Good morning, Jean.”


End file.
